While completing college courses in the 80s I learned a very interesting child development theory. It explained why we play peekaboo with small children.

As children develop they gain object permanence. Simply what it means is that even though he can’t see it it’s still there. We don’t want our children to be overstressed when they realize that their caregiver is out of the room. A one year-old may think mommy is gone forever and it’s extremely traumatic, hence peekaboo, even though you can’t see me I am still here for you. This starts to affect what they remember. Where they put their toys and that they’re not gone forever and ever. And hopefully as adults they can go out the door without an anxiety attack that they will never see you again.
In real life some adults do seem to try to cover their eyes to the past, to the future, and just pretend it didn’t happen. I have heard of people never knowing they had aunts or uncles or grandparents that had died dramatically or had horrible pasts. And suddenly everyone’s going, “Well I never heard about this before. Why wasn’t I ever told about this?” But especially the generation from the 1900s to the 1950s believed in it being better not to even talk about it. This included mental health issues, teen pregnancies, adoptions, substance abuse, alcoholism, jail and criminal behavior, and cognitive and physical disabilities. Plus the 50s 60s and 70s were the age of social conformity. We want the Joneses to see us as the Joneses. As a result much information was hidden from children. Traumas were not dealt with, they were ignored. And for many of our parents and grandparents, the traumas were never allowed to heal. Because if you do not talk about them the traumas never go away, they remain with us forever but we still struggle to hide them.

So if you have that painful memory that no one else knows about, now is the time to start sharing that information. Share it with a professional counsellor if need be. Share it with your best friend and confident. Share it with your adult children. But share it dammit.
As soon as you share it you are not carrying the entire load yourself. And more often than not you can finally put it down. You can finally forgive yourself and others. So please share. The more often you share painful memories and feelings the sooner they’re able to heal. They only have power while you let them have power.

Put them down. You have carried them way too long.