This summer I will have been a widow for 25 years. In that 25 years, I’ve met a couple of people that I enjoyed spending my time with, but never met anyone that came close to my husband, Brian.

Once in a lifetime, we meet that person who can make us feel the most attractive that we’ve ever felt, the most loved person in the world, and the person that gets you. Our love was unconditional. No jealousy. No anger or fear. Just joy.

In the five years that we got to spend together, we only had one argument. And that argument was absolutely ridiculous yet important to me at the time. It was a debate on the immigration policies of Canada and the amount of Vietnamese boat people that were now taking up residency in Winnipeg. I remember yelling at him that for a so called socialist he was pretty closed minded to the plights of the world. By that evening we were laughing. We had calmed down and had a discussion. And we called the girls to tell them we had a fight. They were pissed they missed it.

My first marriage was to a very troubled 19-year-old only a few months before my 17th birthday. I became a wife. Within the next five years I had my three children. I loved being a Mom. My husband worked hard to provide for his family, but he suffered from alcoholism and low self-esteem that unfortunately resulted in being an extremely controlling and angry man. He judged my every word and action. Any moment could turn into not loving him right. From how I made his toast and peanut butter to how I dressed, and who I said hi to.

My friends young husband and brother were killed in a plane crash. They were the same age as we were. When he got home from work I ran into his arms crying. My thoughts had been for my friend now left to raise two small boys and wanting to just be grateful that my husband was here. As he asked me what was wrong I said Louie’s plane had crashed. Before I had a chance to say anything else he asked angrily, “ And who the hell was he to you that you are crying this hard?” I learned not to go to him for comfort ever.

We were married 17 years when I finally had to just leave. I had been beaten emotionally until I had attempted suicide twice. His alcoholism made him extremely paranoid. He loved me. I’d loved him. But he was killing himself with alcohol and taking me with him.

Leaving him cost me seven years from my boys. Their dad was definitely a “You’re either with me or against me” kind of guy. He was so hurt and angry that I left that he wanted to see me miserable. He knew that as a mom the worst thing he could do was keep me from my boys. If it hadn’t been for my daughter, I don’t know what I would’ve done.

I had to live through almost 2 years of hell after I walked out that door. But then someone came into my life that made me happy for the first time in a relationship. It started in Beausejour Legion with a Celtic rock band called the Dust Rhinos.

To be continued.

May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live with ease.