Brain broke connection with mouth again.

Very often my mouth jumps ahead of my brain. I come off as extremely rude and uncompassionate. It’s one of my worst traits. I am not sure how I developed this habit and it’s always been a struggle to control it.

Many of you that have followed this blog know that I very much respect and attempt to honour the Seven Sacred Teachings of the Ojibway/Anishinaabe First Nations. Courage, honesty, humility, love, respect, trust, and wisdom.

For many years, I was treated as if my brain had nothing worthwhile to give anyone. I was not encouraged to speak out, give my opinion, or in anyway have the confidence that I may have something worthwhile to say. I spent the last 30 years growing some sense of love for my own thoughts. Many friends, both in business, volunteer groups, and work places, praised me for my knowledge and ability to speak in public and my ability to convey my thoughts in a comprehensive manner. Some good friends/ colleagues just ask what the hell is Carol talking about now!! Some good friends say I just love jumping from one story to the next and forget to hit the stop button.

Recently, I forgot about the humility part of the seven teachings. And that led to me using my mouth more than I did my ears. I cut someone off mid-sentence, waved my hand, and said pssht, that’s not relevant here. OMG I should’ve stopped, listened, and then responded. Sometimes when I feel like I’m right, I definitely come off as sounding bossy or dismissive of others. In fact, I know people must think what an ignorant bitch. I am immediately regretful, but usually by that time I have made someone feel uncomfortable and hurt. I apologize immediately, but as my mother used to say sorry doesn’t help if you’ve done the same thing over and over.

I know in our staff meetings I now put up my hand instead of cutting someone off. My coworkers appreciate this new approach as the old one again came off as rude and judgemental. Which was never my intention but definitely the end result.

As a problem solver and someone who grew up avoiding crisis, my mind races ahead. During the race it has no time to listen, just run. My task now is to slow it down. This is not a life or death experience. I can always take the time to think and listen. If I lose the thought that I wanted to express, then maybe it wasn’t that important.

I will definitely work on being a kinder listener. And a kinder talker.

May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live life with ease.