One of the key parts of depression, in my case, is the habit of procrastination. It took me a long time to realize that if I just pushed myself a little harder, and I got the task completed, I felt so much better.

And when I say procrastination, it’s not big things. It’s all the little things that add up to horrific dissatisfaction in myself.

There used to be a time where I would become so depressed that I would grab the worst romance-historic novel, lay down on my bed, and read for the entire day. I would realize that the kids are going to be coming home from school. I would have to make supper. I hadn’t done the laundry today. And I hadn’t washed the floors, And the house was just a mess. What a horrible failure I am! What a horrible wife I am! What a horrible mother I am! But then the next day after the children are gone off to school I would pick up my romance novel, lay back down, and the cycle would continue.

Any person with confident mental health would say, “Just get off your goddamn ass. I don’t get it. Just do it.”

Until you’ve suffered from what I called the crippling depression that puts you in that loop of accomplishing nothing except sadness. And if you don’t find the support from family, friends, and mental health therapy, the loop just keeps pulling you back down.

I’m not a young kid anymore, I’m 68 years old. And in my journey to become healthier and happier, I have learned to just get er done. Plus with the help and support of my family, friends, and mental health therapy, I have learned to just do one step at a time. And now the steps become easier. The elation in having my life in order comes much easier.

Two of my grandchildren have been taught by their parents to make their beds the moment they got up. And that is the beginning of the order in their day. So at 60 years of age, I decided that if young children can be motivated to make their beds every morning, it is a small step that I can do each day.

The result is hard to explain but if my bed is made I feel stronger. If my kitchen is clean I feel proud. My house is pretty damn clean these days. And that is because I no longer have to hide away and escape from the reality of everyday living. My days are now filled with laughter and joy.

These days, I can actually laugh when I realize that I am trying to put something off until later. In a future post I’ll share some of the silly things that I do still procrastinate about. I just say it’s not the big things anymore, it’s those little things and little pushes that have to show up to keep me organized and functional. Oh, and happy too.

May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.