If you have come from a dysfunctional or low income family, one of the things that we learn at a very young age is to not tell anybody about the things that happened at home. And the phrase often heard from my mom and dad, “And it’s nobody’s business so don’t you go telling anybody what happens in this house!”
This exaggerated sense of privacy comes from fear that others will find out what your home life is really like. No play dates. No sleepovers. No family vacations to talk about when school starts.
There’s also the desire to protect the image and reputation of family members. Often in small communities everyone knows everyone. We don’t want others to learn about the horrific behaviour of a family member or how poor we really are.
And to add to my inability to share a lot, I was also the only girl on my street when I was little. As a result, I didn’t get to have the friendships of other little girls and unfortunately the neighbourhood boys were all a few years older than me. I was often the crash test dummy for go carts or locked in outhouses to keep me from disrupting their play. No one asked to play Barbie’s and I didn’t own one.
Growing up with the fear of being judged is a horrible stress to the human soul. As an adult I love to socialize and talk with family and friends but I am still uncomfortable talking about very private topics. Sexuality, income, politics, failures, personal crisis, are okay if general discussions. I tend to only share personal experiences with trusted family and friends.
At 65 I finally feel I can share more of my opinions and life experiences because I like me. I fight past the fear of sharing. I have discarded the shame associated with poverty, alcoholism, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. I love the human I am with all the successes and failures I have experienced in the past, present, and future. This blog is part of my path to sharing. Remember to love yourself always.
May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I be happy. May I live with ease.
One response to “It’s Nobody’s Business But My Own”
Oh my Carol I’m thinking along the same lines tonight. I ve started about 4 different posts and think No I can’t say that. I’ll have to be careful I don’t steal your words. Just joking but no wonder we’re good friends. Love you